Roll up, roll up! Come see the great new consoles. Give us £300, and follow up with multiple monthly payments of around £20, then hand over £40 for that new game you want…Remember to have fun you dumb consumer bastards!
Let me start off by stating that I do in fact, own both the Xbox 360 and the Nintendo Wii. Secondly, let me make it clear that I feel a great deal of shame sink into the very depths my icy heart whenever I so much as switch on either. Why? Because, I once swore to never give into to the greasy tentacles that are Modern gaming Organisations. But, in an unfortunate moment of weakness, most likely while I was taking a shower, as I reached for the soap that had fallen to the slippery floor, Nintendo came up through the plug hole and held me by the arms as Microsoft came at me from behind the shower curtain like some kind of cliché thriller villain and forcefully fucked their way into both my ass and my wallet. I have so far spent zero pounds on either of these consoles, and their is a damn good reason for me doing so. Take my nephew for example, so far he has purchased over fifty games for his Xbox 360. Do you know how much all of those games cost? Roughly 1, 750 pounds! No man in his right mind should spend that much money on entertainment…I mean, my gosh, I’ve had elderly friends come back from the Philippines with wives that only set them back five hundred quid! Before anybody comments saying “But Nigel you twat, over a few years that ain’t bad at all” be aware that he has only owned said console for eight months!
Back when I was but a wee fuckwitt, I vividly remember video games lasting for days. You could spend a good seven hours just trying to beat the first damn level. This was of course, due to the limitations that video game developers faced at the time. They had to make them hard to beat because the games themselves simply weren’t all that big. But, the point still remains that they lasted longer than almost all modern video games. Take your average, annual Call of Battlefield: Gears of Effect game, the single player campaign will on average last around 5 hours. I’ve battled with unwilling toilet bowl deposits for longer durations of time! Plus, to top off the shit heap, those old games I mentioned, how big were their development teams? Usually around 5-10 guys. Whilst modern games have development teams populated by more people than most African communities! I can see a few connections there too, but none to which I will add here…Don’t want the ethics police at my door with their headache inducing comments!
Like I once overheard my old dad say to my mother, I’ll finish this off when I’m good and ready…Bitch