Why Modern Consoles Suck [continued]

Attractiveness is subjective, everybody knows that, but, if you have a face so copiously hideous that you make small children cry, its little wonder that the doctor slapped you across the face at birth. The same can be said for video game graphics…


Sex dolls, yes, keep with me here please, I swear it will be worth it. Sex dolls are, in today’s society, though expectedly a taboo subject  highly popular. They are in fact, one of the highest grossing “toys” out there. Why are they so popular? Let us be honest with ourselves here and admit that we all know the reason why. They are not real, and therefore, by extension of that aspect, inanimate and totally, but most importantly, inhumanly governable. But, let us try something here. Imagine that you saw an advertisement on the television for a real life sex-doll, and upon a few days of vigorously fighting temptation, you decide to go out and to purchase a real life sex-doll. Once you get home you test out the doll…It then kindly, cooks you dinner. That would be fantastic right? No, obviously. because, Capitan latex abuser, after it cooks you dinner it starts yelling at you, claiming that you don’t respect it’s rights as a woman. You get angry and slap it hard across the face, and then, in true 1940’s cliché, it says sorry. You then storm out of the house. You return home in the morning after spending the night drinking large volumes of alcohol with your friend Jeff, only to find blow-up-Sally’s bloated rubber corpse hanging from the ceiling fan. Now you are not only a murderer but also a potential rapist, and poor Jeff has inadvertently become your accomplice. That for me, sums up the argument on video game graphics.

Your average modern gamer, dressed in hiss formal attire

Your average modern gamer, dressed in his formal attire

    We play video games because we want to do things we can’t do here in the real world. It is, by design, a means of entertainment with only one purpose to serve. To help us unwind. You play a game such as Skyrim because you wish to genuinely feel like a sword wielding, heavily hung, bearded man-beast. You want to sleep at the inns, you want to make rough love to the innkeepers daughters and you want to vanquish even the mightiest of dragons with nothing more than the hairs situated within your belly button. I must say though, that games such as Skyrim are terribly boring for me to play. Imagine if you had a cloning device that could instantly teleport clones to various areas around your home town, so they don’t start filling up the room the teleporters in. The problem is that after a night out on the town you came back home and mistook your teleporter for the lavatory, and now people are staring to see the same shit everywhere. So, with that in mind, again, imagine if Skyrim had photo-realistic visuals. Not the same kind of photo-realistic tat that video game magazines have tacked onto every Gran Turismo game over the past ten years. No, I am talking about trees so real you could touch them, boobs so real you could fondle them. This evolution in graphical prowess would, in my opinion, come with some serious problems. Could you kill a man who looks like, well, a real man? Would you not feel guilty? And how would you smacking a uber-realistic rabbit around the face with a giant war hammer make your girlfriend feel about ever letting you buy that pet dog you keep asking for?

I hope that by now you have a better understanding of why video game graphics aren’t quite as important as your peers would have you believe. If you don’t, then much like with a leper’s cock, you can’t see the point. We need to evaluate every aspect of what actually constitutes for “realistic” visuals in video games before we start claiming for anything to be “photoreal”.


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